Bent bed

In every desire there is despair.
There may also be catastrophe each time we care.
Not all beginnings have a wonderful end,
not all wounds and scars are meant to mend.

One point in time we will be choked up by life's uncertainty,
making us friends with misery.
Where in our hearts, pain is no longer a stranger.
We embrace the fact that we might not get better.

It may take a lifetime to find the good in goodbye.
It may take forever to let my love die.
It may take a river to dry out my tears as I cry.
Life is not a fairy tale! It's just another sugar-coated lie.

-Renato P. Magbalon III
1:15am/July 16,2014

Chasing something stationary.

Before, all I wanted was things that I thought that can make me happy.
A beautiful dog with a breed, a motorcycle above 200cc that I can brag on the streets, shoes that are expensive which people who earn minimum wage cant afford.

My mind was set on the illusion that I wanted to be a person who's low profile but have these things.
I wanted people to actually see me as a humble man with things they never thought I could have.
I was wrong, I was a big braggart all along.
I thrived for unnecessary attention.

I feasted on the things that they would say. Involuntary, I desperately wanted to impress people which was contrary to what was my principle then - To be a low profiled man.
It was always a blur why after a long day I end up sitting by myself thinking why was I not happy.
I thought it was my environment to blame, its the circumstances Im going through why I cant be a happy person.
It was all me.

I hope I'm learning it the right way. That a part of being happy is lowering your standards and being contented with the things you already have, do not chase things which are far away from you, pay attention to those things that are ready for grasp.

Stop the chase, because you cant chase something that is already stationary.
Happiness is dwelling on the things that are given right in front of you, generating the power to smile and be truly happy with the things that ready to be yours for the taking.
Its a cliche that happiness is a choice. True! but its more likely to be a state of mind.
You can choose to be happy anytime but without true acceptance of settling on what's in fornt of you, making your heart and mind agree with each other and finally say  "I'm happy!" and actually deal with it, one cant be truly happy.

Now, I have a cute mutt puppy which I love and sleep beside with, I do not own a big bike but I found the joy of commuting and lastly my favorite pair of shoe that I always wear was bought from a thrift shop.
I do not own the things that I once thought that would make me happy, still I manage to find time at the end of the day thanking God for everything which I suppose is an evidence that I am somehow HAPPY.

- Renato P. Magbalon III

Paano nga ba maging tunay na masaya?

Bata pa ako alam ko na gusto ko, hindi maging action star, abogado, milyonaryo, guwapo kundi --- maging masaya. Di ko pa nababasa yung qoute ni john lennon nun na kung tatanungin siya what does he wants when he grows up.

Noon pa man gusto ko lang maging masaya. Mababaw lang akong tao hindi ko noon naisip na gusto ko maging ganito gusto ko maging ganyan. Di ako lumakad sa landas na may pananaw sa kung ano ba talaga gusto ko maging. Pinaanod ko ang buhay ko sa hangin ng tadhana ng nakangiti. Gusto ko lang talaga maging masaya.

Naniniwala ako sa "Happiness is a choice" ano man ang harapin hanggang sa pinaka maliliit na problema tulad ng pagbomba sa arinola pagkatapos mong magbawas, sadyang pinipili ko lang maging masaya. Ngunit! Katagalan napansin ko parang to have a choice is not sufficient to be happy. Kahit piliin ko man maging masaya, nalulungkot padin ako pagkatapos. Kaya ngayon umiikot pwet ko kakahanap sa sikreto kung paano nga ba talagang sumaya.

Im a great great great pretender, siguro pwede akong bayaran para lang mag pretend. Hindi sa magaling ako umarte pero magaling ako sa katagang "okay lang ako :)". May smiley pa diba? Kasi sarcastically obvious im not really okay palagi. Im an insecure, jealous, emotional person. I always end up "self-pity-ing" telling my self im a worthless piece of junk. Sa sobrang galing ko mag pretend dumating sa punto na akala ko talaga okay na ako pero hindi padin pala, yun yung masakit pag great pretender ka. No matter how long you pretend you are okay and happy at the end of the day you lay down in bed and cry because you are sad.

Ngayon ngayon lang narealize ko na ang hirap pala ma attain ng five letter word na yan. Pero na weiweirdohan ako, bakit kaya naman ng iba bakit ako hirap na hirap?

Impromptu shit

You can treat an ordinary person special, but you can never treat a special person ordinary.
Invisus Ingenio

Forever

Ang pangarap kong maging ABOGADO at ang pangako ko sayong forever na pag-ibig ay pareho lang.

Di natin alam kung matutupad, pero at this very moment gagawin ko lahat para mapatunayan na kaya ko nga. - Invisus Ingenio

Sino lang ba dapat ang respetuhin?

Di ako naniniwala na ang respeto ay ibinibigay lang sa kung sino ang karapatdapat nito, dahil ang respeto ay ibinibigay sa bawat tao sa mundo kahit sa hindi mo pa kilala. Lahat ng tao ay may dignidad, nararapat lang na bigyan ito ng kaukulang respeto ngunit naniniwala ako na sa bawat taong nabigyan ng respeto mo ay may sariling desisyon kung aalagaan nya ito o hindi. Tulad ng lahat ng bagay, lahat ng di inaalagaan ay nawawala o nasisira parang respeto din. - Invisus Ingenio (RPM3)

OmniPump

To feel appreciated is an immaterial necessity. (dapat to be loved, pero dahil baduy na sa mata ng marami ang salitang love, to feel appreciated nalang)

Para sakin lang ulit, pusong bato lang talaga ang makakapag sabi na "Wala akong pakialam sa sabihin ng iba, gagawin ko ang gagawin ko"

Actually totoo yan pero hindi absolute, para sakin gumagawa tayo ng mga bagay na gusto natin kahit kumukontra ang IBA, dahil alam din natin na may IBANG tao din na makakaapreciate.

Example:
Magcucut ako ng class! Badshot ka sa mga nerdo, pero wala kang pakialam dun kasi tatanggapin ka naman ng mga nagcucutting din.

Wala kang pakialam sa mga nerdo, dahil may mga kasama kang nagcucutting. So hindi talga sa wala kang pakialam sa mundo at grades mo, pero isa yung factor ng acceptance ng mga kasama mong nagcucutting ang nagbibigay rason bakit ka nagcucutting.

Lahat ng tao sa mundo kahit yung muka ng aparador sa laki ng katawan, kahit gaano sila katigas tignan ay may soft spot sa kanilang puso. Lahat tayo ay kailangan ng pagmamahal at acceptance at yung maapreciate kahit baduy at corny sabihin, totoo yan. Dahil kung hindi natin kailangan ng pagtingin ng iba eh deviant tayong tao, contrary tayo sa social norms. May tao bang gustong maisolate sa sangkatauhan parang wala naman?

Kaya di ako naniniwala sa " to express not to impress" na kasabihan eh.
Kasi kung gagawa ako ng bagay tapos ako lang matutuwa, tapos yung buong mundo ayaw eh parang may mali naman diba? Lahat ng ginagawa natin kahit hindi natin aminin ay laging may nakaabang na pag-asa na sana magustuhan ng iba.

Tulad ng pagsuot ng maduming sapatos, may mga nagsusuot ng sapatos na madumi hindi dahil sa wala silang pakialam sa nakakakita, pero sinusuot din nila yun dahil alam nila maaapreciate din yun nung mga nagsusuot din ng maduming sapatos.

Dapat bukas ang mata natin sa ganitong aspeto ng buhay, upang malaman natin na halos lahat ng ginagawa ng tao ay kailangan natin bigyang halaga dahil hindi lang nila gusto yun, kundi kailangan nila.

Kahit ako, nagsusulat ako ngayon di ko naman isinulat to para ako lang ang makarelate at ako lang ang matuwa sa mga wrong grammar ko eh, sympre kahit papano gusto ko din na may acceptance ako kahit sa pinakamaliit na number ng society kasi LOVE yun eh, ang sarap sarap sa pakiramdam nung may nakaapreciate sayo. Hindi naman ako nabuhay para sa sarili ko lang. NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.

To sum it all up, everybody deserves to be loved. - Invisus Ingenio (RPM3)