In every desire there is despair.
There may also be catastrophe each time we care.
Not all beginnings have a wonderful end,
not all wounds and scars are meant to mend.
One point in time we will be choked up by life's uncertainty,
making us friends with misery.
Where in our hearts, pain is no longer a stranger.
We embrace the fact that we might not get better.
It may take a lifetime to find the good in goodbye.
It may take forever to let my love die.
It may take a river to dry out my tears as I cry.
Life is not a fairy tale! It's just another sugar-coated lie.
-Renato P. Magbalon III
1:15am/July 16,2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Chasing something stationary.
Before, all I wanted was things that I thought that can make me happy.
A beautiful dog with a breed, a motorcycle above 200cc that I can brag on the streets, shoes that are expensive which people who earn minimum wage cant afford.
My mind was set on the illusion that I wanted to be a person who's low profile but have these things.
I wanted people to actually see me as a humble man with things they never thought I could have.
I was wrong, I was a big braggart all along.
I thrived for unnecessary attention.
I feasted on the things that they would say. Involuntary, I desperately wanted to impress people which was contrary to what was my principle then - To be a low profiled man.
It was always a blur why after a long day I end up sitting by myself thinking why was I not happy.
I thought it was my environment to blame, its the circumstances Im going through why I cant be a happy person.
It was all me.
I hope I'm learning it the right way. That a part of being happy is lowering your standards and being contented with the things you already have, do not chase things which are far away from you, pay attention to those things that are ready for grasp.
Stop the chase, because you cant chase something that is already stationary.
Happiness is dwelling on the things that are given right in front of you, generating the power to smile and be truly happy with the things that ready to be yours for the taking.
Its a cliche that happiness is a choice. True! but its more likely to be a state of mind.
You can choose to be happy anytime but without true acceptance of settling on what's in fornt of you, making your heart and mind agree with each other and finally say "I'm happy!" and actually deal with it, one cant be truly happy.
Now, I have a cute mutt puppy which I love and sleep beside with, I do not own a big bike but I found the joy of commuting and lastly my favorite pair of shoe that I always wear was bought from a thrift shop.
I do not own the things that I once thought that would make me happy, still I manage to find time at the end of the day thanking God for everything which I suppose is an evidence that I am somehow HAPPY.
- Renato P. Magbalon III
A beautiful dog with a breed, a motorcycle above 200cc that I can brag on the streets, shoes that are expensive which people who earn minimum wage cant afford.
My mind was set on the illusion that I wanted to be a person who's low profile but have these things.
I wanted people to actually see me as a humble man with things they never thought I could have.
I was wrong, I was a big braggart all along.
I thrived for unnecessary attention.
I feasted on the things that they would say. Involuntary, I desperately wanted to impress people which was contrary to what was my principle then - To be a low profiled man.
It was always a blur why after a long day I end up sitting by myself thinking why was I not happy.
I thought it was my environment to blame, its the circumstances Im going through why I cant be a happy person.
It was all me.
I hope I'm learning it the right way. That a part of being happy is lowering your standards and being contented with the things you already have, do not chase things which are far away from you, pay attention to those things that are ready for grasp.
Stop the chase, because you cant chase something that is already stationary.
Happiness is dwelling on the things that are given right in front of you, generating the power to smile and be truly happy with the things that ready to be yours for the taking.
Its a cliche that happiness is a choice. True! but its more likely to be a state of mind.
You can choose to be happy anytime but without true acceptance of settling on what's in fornt of you, making your heart and mind agree with each other and finally say "I'm happy!" and actually deal with it, one cant be truly happy.
Now, I have a cute mutt puppy which I love and sleep beside with, I do not own a big bike but I found the joy of commuting and lastly my favorite pair of shoe that I always wear was bought from a thrift shop.
I do not own the things that I once thought that would make me happy, still I manage to find time at the end of the day thanking God for everything which I suppose is an evidence that I am somehow HAPPY.
- Renato P. Magbalon III
Paano nga ba maging tunay na masaya?
Bata pa ako alam ko na gusto ko, hindi maging action star, abogado, milyonaryo, guwapo kundi --- maging masaya. Di ko pa nababasa yung qoute ni john lennon nun na kung tatanungin siya what does he wants when he grows up.
Noon pa man gusto ko lang maging masaya. Mababaw lang akong tao hindi ko noon naisip na gusto ko maging ganito gusto ko maging ganyan. Di ako lumakad sa landas na may pananaw sa kung ano ba talaga gusto ko maging. Pinaanod ko ang buhay ko sa hangin ng tadhana ng nakangiti. Gusto ko lang talaga maging masaya.
Naniniwala ako sa "Happiness is a choice" ano man ang harapin hanggang sa pinaka maliliit na problema tulad ng pagbomba sa arinola pagkatapos mong magbawas, sadyang pinipili ko lang maging masaya. Ngunit! Katagalan napansin ko parang to have a choice is not sufficient to be happy. Kahit piliin ko man maging masaya, nalulungkot padin ako pagkatapos. Kaya ngayon umiikot pwet ko kakahanap sa sikreto kung paano nga ba talagang sumaya.
Im a great great great pretender, siguro pwede akong bayaran para lang mag pretend. Hindi sa magaling ako umarte pero magaling ako sa katagang "okay lang ako :)". May smiley pa diba? Kasi sarcastically obvious im not really okay palagi. Im an insecure, jealous, emotional person. I always end up "self-pity-ing" telling my self im a worthless piece of junk. Sa sobrang galing ko mag pretend dumating sa punto na akala ko talaga okay na ako pero hindi padin pala, yun yung masakit pag great pretender ka. No matter how long you pretend you are okay and happy at the end of the day you lay down in bed and cry because you are sad.
Ngayon ngayon lang narealize ko na ang hirap pala ma attain ng five letter word na yan. Pero na weiweirdohan ako, bakit kaya naman ng iba bakit ako hirap na hirap?
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